


Splitting Hairs

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [69]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Homelessness, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26484844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: “Remember when they banned me from that shelter permanently just because they caught me smoking?” Klaus snorted retrospectively. That place was so petty.Turning to scowl at his brother, Ben found himself wondering just how much Klaus had truly rotted his brain. “You were smokingcrack, Klaus.” he hissed, staggered that he still found himself bewildered by Klaus’ stupidity after all these years. “Technicalities.” Klaus waved his hand dismissively, as if Ben were splitting hairs.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [69]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709
Kudos: 42





	Splitting Hairs

**Author's Note:**

> I think I posted all the even numbers group ones, but idk I wrote these over a year and half and have them saved in a collection of places so idk I probably have more. Anyway here’s Klaus and Ben irritating each other.

Ben and Klaus sauntered into the shitty studio apartment Klaus had finally gotten his hands on. It was disgusting. “Imagine one of those UV light thingies they have on CSI.” Klaus drawled as he peered at all the suspicious stains on the walls and floors. “... _so much cum_.” he whispered with an enthralled grimace. Ben groaned at his brother’s crudeness, making his way to perch on the ratty couch. He tried his best to tune out Klaus’ ramblings about the logistics and trajectory of semen. No wonder his brother got hit so frequently. Usually by Diego. Even though Ben wasn’t technically touching the couch, he was still hesitant to sit down. It looked like it probably had bedbugs.

“It’s better than nothing.” Ben supposed with a shrug. Klaus nodded unconvincingly, shoving his bag of sparse possessions onto the couch beside Ben. “At least it’s warm.” Ben offered, clearly able to tell his brother wasn’t keen on this place. He wasn’t sure if it was actually warm, he couldn’t feel temperature. It was worth a shot.

Klaus leaned down to his brother’s face and breathed outwards, his breath visible in the freezing air. “So warm.” he deadpanned, glaring at his stupid ghost of a brother. Ben looked away sheepishly, leaning against the arm of the couch and gazing across the room. “You can’t smell it either.” Klaus grouched, scrunching his nose up at the stale stench of the place. The lingering scent of old nicotine was making Klaus jones for a cigarette. At least he could smoke, no one would even be able to tell. That was one positive, shelters were always pissy when you’d smoke indoors. Usually his friends and flings would force him outside, and Diego would just furiously slash the cigarettes in half with a flying knife. Klaus lit up a cigarette, though it was difficult with how much he was shivering. It felt colder in here than outside. “Remember when they banned me from that one shelter permanently just because they caught me smoking?” Klaus snorted retrospectively. That place was so petty.

Turning to scowl at his brother, Ben found himself wondering just how much Klaus had truly rotted his brain. “You were smoking _crack_ , Klaus.” he hissed, staggered that he still found himself bewildered by Klaus’ stupidity after all these years. “Technicalities.” Klaus waved his hand dismissively, as if Ben were splitting hairs. Ben wasn’t even going to get into an argument about this. It would be pointless. “You know you can’t fuck this up.” Ben muttered, already worried about his brother getting kicked out. Klaus blew smoke through him with a petty smirk. “I’m not gonna fuck it up.” he assured Ben confidently. Ben was almost undoubtedly certain that he was going to fuck it up. “Good.” he replied curtly, narrowing his eyes at Klaus with suspicion. 

”You’re so judgey.” Klaus whined, feeling offended that Ben had such little trust in him. His brother was absolutely correct in his assumption, but it was still irritating. “Just because I have some...” Klaus gestured vaguely, wafting smoke throughout the dingy room “... _issues_ doesn’t mean I’m incapable of everything.” he defended himself. It was hard to believe those words, even though they just came directly from Klaus. He was already sufficiently high, but not enough for his liking. He reached into his pocket, shoving a random assortment of pills into his mouth. “It’s like you’re begging to get sent to rehab.” Ben snipped, glowering at him. Klaus childishly stuck his pill covered tongue out at his brother, who looked revolted in return. “It’s the ghosts.” Klaus lied, not bothering to put any effort into his attempts to come up with an excuse. It didn’t matter anyway, it wasn’t like Ben could do anything to stop him. Ben seemed so infuriated that he looked like his head was going to start making choo choo train noises.

Sarcastically scanning his sights across the completely empty room, Ben looked back to his brother with a distrusting glare. “Because clearly this apartment is so crowded.” he dryly quipped, crossing his arms haughtily. Klaus rolled his eyes so hard they almost flew out of his head. “It’s a preventative measure.” his brother drawled, which they both knew was bullshit. “Denial.” Ben grunted bluntly, despairing that they were falling into this debate _again_. “That’s easy for you to say,” Klaus purposefully flicked ash through Ben’s head “you’re a ghost!” Ben shuffled across the couch, even though he couldn’t feel the ash singeing it. “The only ghost you’ve seen in eight months.” Ben remarked exasperatedly, bracing himself for more ash or a stream of smoke blown directly through him. Even the ghost Klaus had seen back then was too blurred and dulled to be properly made out. “ _Because_ of the preventative measures!” Klaus exclaimed obnoxiously, sounding like he’d just yelled checkmate against a chess genius.

His dead brother shoved his head in his hand and neglected to reply, which was wonderful. It was a well needed break from his constant judgemental nagging. Feeling incredibly antsy, Klaus paced aimlessly around the tiny room. “What do we do?” he wondered aloud, feeling like a spare part. Before Ben could reply, Klaus stuck **GOODBYE** in his general direction - he wasn’t talking to him. The tattoos had been because of the ouija board joke, but they were brilliant for pissing Ben off. Having a place to himself was bizarre. He’d shared with multiple other people his entire life. An extremely overbearing voice in the back of Klaus’ head was telling him to leave and never come back. Really, it was more in the forefront of his mind - drowning out all the other thoughts. Klaus wasn’t sure what normal people did when they were at home alone. Usually he was in someone else’s home, he couldn’t really do _those_ activities alone... “I’m going out.” Klaus announced suddenly, stubbing his cigarette out on the scruffy wall. One more stain wouldn’t make a difference.

“Promise me you’re going to come back.” Ben demanded, knowing how goddamn flighty his brother was. “Of course I’m gonna come back.” Klaus scoffed, holding his pinky finger towards Ben even though he was fully aware he couldn’t touch him. Ben halfheartedly held his pinky up too, hoping humoring the idiot would work. ”Don’t fuck things up.” Ben groaned warningly as Klaus promptly stumbled from the shithole. Ben sighed wearily and decided just to wait here, hoping his brother wasn’t going to be too significantly worse for wear when he returned. Ben sensed he wouldn't enjoy tagging along for whatever Klaus was intending to get up to. They had an inspection in three days, and if Klaus had destroyed the place or abandoned it then the organisation would immediately kick him out. They’d made that clear in no uncertain terms. Ben was frankly baffled that they’d even agreed to give him a chance to begin with.

After a few moments of brooding in silence, Ben realised Klaus’ bag was no longer beside him on the couch. He cringed at the stain on the cushion that strongly resembled blood, and pushed himself up to traipse after his brother. Clearly they weren’t going to be returning. “I could’ve waited in there for days!” Ben called grouchily to his brother as he caught up with him on the stairs. Klaus shrugged nonchalantly. “You would’ve realised eventually.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Will update my current Diego fic when I have time


End file.
